Discipline vs Punishment

Last night, Mummy spent some time at night before Yule's sleep to do some pillow talk... was kind of amazed about what was said...

mummy: mummy loves yule, and everybody loves yule
yule: everybody 不喜欢 yule
mummy: everybody LOVES yule
yule: everybody 不喜欢 yule
mummy: why not?
yule: yule 罚站
mummy: If yule is naughty, yule will have to 罚站, but papa and mummy still love yule, and everybody loves yule
yule: (pause) 爸爸骂
mummy: papa scolds yule because yule was naughty, but papa still loves yule. 爸爸喜欢宇乐吗?
yule: (pause) 喜欢. 爸爸喜欢宇乐
mummy: ok. mummy loves yule too... goodnight
yule: goodnight

It amazes me that 2 year old Yule is capable of reflection, and her ability to process what was going on. That very same evening when papa was driving Yule and Ah Ma back home, Yule started to dig her throat using her finger. That was not the first time she did that, and despite scolding and asking to stop, she continued while in the car, and vomited all over herself and the car seat... certainly, papa has to get the point across that the 'digging throat' behaviour is not to be tolerated. When they reached home, Yule was caned on the forearm and made to stand at the corner for 1 minute.

After that Papa hugged Yule and explained to her the reason for the punishment. Yule will always agree that she will not do it again, but we can only keep our fingers cross. By the time I reach home at night, Yule was already happy and jumpy as usual.

I do believe that when the child misbehaves, and especially in ways which she already knows that are not allowed or to be tolerated, she should be punished. As parents, we have to exert that authority, and she will have to learn to comply, and be clear of her boundaries. However, after the punishment, there should be some 'talking' to address that punishment and behaviour. That is discipline.

The night's pillow talk was especially effective, to also reinforce the point that despite the misbehaviour, we still love her. I think, that is really important... I certainly don't want her to think that because she has to be punished, she is not being loved. In fact, I didn't expect her little mind to think so much about it. Thought she would have kind of forgot about the episode, as she was quick to go back to her usual jumpy self. I'm so glad that I had that pillow talk with her that night, and that I got to know her thoughts.. and yes.. it still amazes me that my 2 year old has that ability to process her thoughts!

One day she will know it is precisely because we love her, that's why we are disciplining her. And discipline will be an ongoing journey.

Papa and mummy love you!